This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
