I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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