i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
