Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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