if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
