I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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