I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
