We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I AM VODKA MAN
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
