it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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