I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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