I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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