Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
