some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
