wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
