i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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