The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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