Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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