I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
