So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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