Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
