What did we do last night that was yellow?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I looked at my own cervix.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
