i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize