Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i've created a new STD.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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