i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
