i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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