therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize