Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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