Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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