I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize