How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
