He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
