Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
