It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
