I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
