My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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