youre lurking in front of me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you win again, gameday.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
