Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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