you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
