Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She tied me up with her honor cords...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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