Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
