so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
