Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
