Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
