I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
