A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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