so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
