I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
