I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
