she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
