My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
