Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The best revenge is premature balding
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
