My balls are so social today.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
