Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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