FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I touched a dick in church today
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
