bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
