Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
