glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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