i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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