And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
