dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
