you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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