Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
