There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
