just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
