...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
