I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
