if i can run in heels then i can drive
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
