I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize