Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
