you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
