I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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