Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
