whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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