I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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