Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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