We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
