I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
