how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you traded sex for a burrito?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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