i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
