I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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