I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
