The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
