there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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