My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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