How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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