The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize