i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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