just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
