im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
