Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
