You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
