I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
