What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
