Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
