The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
