we have pet lesbian snakes
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
