How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
