out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
