Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
